EXPEDITION ON PANDORA
by Knight Thunder
Summary: Chaos, chaos, chaos. Oneshot crackfic.


**A/N**: Okay, please note that this was actually a topic I made in a club on Stardoll, the topic called "V. EXPEDITION ON PANDORA" ('V.' Means Virtual), basically an RPG, so, I didn't come up with all of it. I was 'Cake' though. ;]

So... I just turned this weird online RP into a story!

**Note**: The phone number is MADE UP, of course!

* * *

Cake was looking around. It was boring, really, life was...  
AN EXPEDITION! What an amazing way to spend some time... But of course, she needed people to come along.

"WE NEED TO RECRUIT!" she announced loudly to no one in particular.  
She stuck a huge poster on the Eiffel Tower.

**EXPEDITION ON PANDORA**

_Loads of adventure, loads of fun!  
A whole new world before you!_

_Hopefully harmless as well!  
Contact CAKE at this number!_

_0871479271_

The first meeting came, and a few people turned up as well. It was in the middle of a street, however.

"Well..." began Cake, "I am going to be the Second-in-command... and, well... Introductions... yea, we should start with that. And what position you want to be in!" She smiled.

A girl stepped forward. "I'm Aliana, and I wanna be a kick-ass recruit!"  
Another girl said, "Violet, and, uh, recruit?" She giggled a bit.

As Cake was listening, she was sticking up poster and flyers everywhere.  
Aliana walked up. "Hey there Cake, want some help?" she asked enthusiastically.

"Hm, Aliana... YESH!"  
Cake gave some flyers to her.  
"Plus we need a leader... Hmm..." Cake stroked her chin smartly.

Another girl stood up. "I am Analiese, I want to be an Archer Recruit!"  
Cake looked at her. "Archer?" she said confusedly. "Oh well, okay!"

Aliana continued and answered Cake's previous question. "Sounds awesome! Indeed, but who?" She also stroked her chin.

The Introductions went on, however.  
"I'm Eric," said a guy, who added with a whisper, 'Oh my God, it's the Scene-Monster!'  
"Oh, and I wanna be a kick-ass recruit with Aliana!" He put on sunglasses and gave an '_attitude_' expression.

Another girl stepped forward. "Imma Hector, and Imma be a Recruit, but an awesome one!"  
She tried to march, fell, and muttered, "Hope no one saw that..."

Cake turned to Aliana once more, a pondering look on her face, "Well, not me anyways. I am _SECOND_-in-command."  
She looked at Aliana for a while. "You wanna be it?" she cried out.

Cake then continued sticking up posters everywhere, including on passerby people.

Before Aliana could answer, Analiese said, "I'm pretty kick-ass as well."

Aliana stared at Cake for about a minute. "Me? Ahaha, you're funny. I prefer to be in the middle of action."  
She just seemed notice Eric. "Oh my effin' God, IT'S _ERIC_!" She tackle hugged him. "Well, we don't have time for an Epic Eric Move. So straighten up soldier!" She tried not to laugh.

Eric stared at her. "No. No. No. There's always time."  
He stuck his head on the floor and started running in circles. "Head spin," he said.

Violet sat down on the ground, apparently bored.

Cake poked Eric. "THERE IS NO TIME FOR SUCH A THING!"

Aliana blinked. "Good God, I don't know this Recruit," she pointed at Eric. She shook a bit with laughter. Then she started sticking up posters everywhere.

Cake then remembered what Aliana said previously. "Just because you're the leader, you can still fight." She winked.  
"OI! VIOLET!" Cake threw flyers at her. "Help, pwease?"  
"Sure," Violet said, catching the flyers and starting to stick them up.  
"Thankyoooh," Cake said cheerfully.  
"No problem." Violet smiled.

Aliana though about the position for a while. "Well, true... I'll take the spot! But we will NOT kill any Na'vii unless they endanger us and the first person that does gets demoted**.**"

"Except if the the person is... um... you or me," Cake grinned evilly. Aliana returned the look.

"Ay, Cake! Should we fuel the jets?" She thumbed back to the planes and jets.

"Indeed!" Cake replied. She got out her cellphone and phoned the 'fuel-people'.

Another guy coughed and introduced. "I'm Matt, kick-ass-ier recruit than all of yooouu." He was ignored, however.

Hector sat down. "Me-so-sleepy me-so-tired..." she mumbled before she dozed off.

Aliana sighed. "Thank ya ol' chum." She grabbed rifles, 'them mask things', and went to inspect the aircrafts.

The 'fuel-people' arrived, and they started putting in fuel.  
"MOOOAAAR!" Cake yelled, grinning. "What if there won't be enough later?!"

-suddenly they are at Pandora-

Aliana looked around the aircraft. "AY! Numero Two! Let's go check out the surroundings before we send out recruits! Grab your weapons!"  
Aliana grabbed hers, and her face-mask.

"WHY, YES!" Cake cried out. She too grabbed weapons and put on her mask.  
The two walked out.  
Cake took a deep breath. "Cooooool."  
Aliana laughed a little. "Ahaha... funny child. I like you... no homo, I promise."  
Cake blinked. "Okays... I believe you."  
"Haha yes... you betta'."

Violet sat down and looked around inside the aircraft.

Cake noticed. "Oi, Violet! Wanna come explore?"  
Violet nodded, "Yea. Sure." She took a mask

Another girl jumped out, who looked like she had attemped to paint herself blue. She had a mask on.  
"I am a Na'vi."

Aliana blinked. "She's speaking crazy! The bad air has gotten into her!"  
"Completely," Violet agreed, also blinking.  
"Haha, I know right?"

"It's the honest truth. I had a surgery to look like a human, but I don't think that... nevermind. I am not crazy, I breathe Pandora's air and remain unharmed. I AMA NA'VI. Why do you not believe me?"

Cake looked at her like she was crazy. "Why do you have a mask on, then?" The girl didn't answer.

"Yeah." Violet blinked again. "It's kinda creepy."

"OH MY GOD! LOOK! A weird rhino!" Cake yelled.

"Ruuuuuuuuuun!" Violet yelled back to Cake.

Cake sprinted, yet the rhino was catching up quite speedily.  
"DAMMIT. I FORGOT I ONLY _DREAMT_ THAT I CAN FLY!"  
Cake stopped. "Oohwait! I have a GUN-THINGY!"  
She pointed the gun at the rhino and shot.  
Nothing happened.  
"Dammit, need Plan B... or C, rather."

Violet looked at Cake. "I thought the running one was pretty good."

"No," Cake said miserably. "It's twice as fast as me. Stupid rhino."  
"We need BOMBS."  
Cake took out her cellphone and dialled the base number.

The jets came comically within about 3 seconds and started shooting bombs at the rhino.

Cake was yelling into the cellphone. "WAIT! I'M TOO CLOSE! YOU'LL BLOW _ME_ UP TOO! START WITH THE _SMALLER _ONES!"

Aliana noticed a 'panther-thing'. She held her breathe... "Caaaaaake..."  
Cake screamed when she saw that as well.  
She yelled into the cellphone again. "WEIRD PANTHER-THINGY AT SEVEN O'CLOCK!"

The jets continued bombing for about seven seconds before both creatures are dead.

Aliana popped a cheese-puff into her mouth. "Some leader I am..."

Cake gave some salad to Aliana. "Leader-ish food." She winked.  
"Gracias!" Aliana put some Ranch Dressing on it.  
"Well, the rhino and panther are dead in any case," Cake sighed.

"Hmm... well... there's dinner for tonight. Waste not, want not." Aliana groaned in pleasure.

"My sentiments exactly!" Cake popped a tomato into her mouth, and crunched at some crispbread after it. Munch munch munch. "Well, I saw some blue monkeys so we better look out! Cheeky monkeys."

Aliana nodded, while the blue girl and Violet went back into the aircrafts in the background. "I dun' wanna be flashed by one of those again. Hairy butts are not exactly hot."

"I feel," Cake agreed.  
She then looked around ninja-ishly. "I sence... DOGS. Big ones!"

Aliana picked up the bottle of Ranch Dressing.

_WARNING.  
MAY ATTRACT MUTANT DOGS._

Aliana swore. "STUPID DRESSING." She looked at Cake.

"Dammit!" Cake thought for a while...  
"AHA! My Pokémons will ward them off! _And then THEY will be EPICLY PWNED_!"

Aliana cheered. "WOHO! Peekacho GOOO!"

Cake looked at her. "It's Pikachu... but NEVA' MIND.  
Well, let's go back to the base and tell of our findings!"

* * *

**A/N**: Thoughts? ;D  
R&R!

Also, longest chapter I've ever written!


End file.
